drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
