Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Barsexuality is the new black.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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