Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
