Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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