But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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