i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
