clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
