butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
