Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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