If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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