I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
do nipples grow back?
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