I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
