I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
