fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
