Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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