Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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