Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
