Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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