i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
