u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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