Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
