They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
