I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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