How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thus making me awesome and them whores
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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