She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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