so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
