Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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