it hurts more in the daytime
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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