I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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