Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
