Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
