Who did Billy Mays play for?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize