my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
