how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
