put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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