Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
