I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
