i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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