there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
