dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
