Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
