they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
