I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
