Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
