is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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