do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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