I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
