Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
