Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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