But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize