Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need to calm my uterus...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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