YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
