how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the liver wants what the liver wants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
