Someone shit on the floor
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
