So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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