He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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