you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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