wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
