1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
