I wanna passion pit in your ass
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
