I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
