I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How naked do you want me to be?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
