Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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