It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
