can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
