You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
