i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
