Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
