Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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