Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
