I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He kissed a someone with a penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
