He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
