chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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