Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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