Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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