when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize