it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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