At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
