Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize