Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
