tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
