And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
