What did we do last night that was yellow?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
