Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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