the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
