remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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