too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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