smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
