This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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