i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
