She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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