Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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