i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
