She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize