WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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