It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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