last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
