He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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