im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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