Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
