you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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