just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
