drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
