I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
